When I say “Book Trebuchets” what I mean are phrases, word choices, or writing styles that make you throw a book across the room. This is often done out of justifiable indignation, because you spent an hour in the bookstore looking for something, paid $25 for it, and you still didn’t get the cute cashier’s number.
Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll telepathically pick up on your intentions one of these days. Just keep hanging around the self help section of the store every Friday afternoon, you’ll look troubled and brooding, yet keen to make a change.

I will always maintain that you should always write what you enjoy, no matter what anyone else says. Never, ever compromise to please other people’s sensibilities or demands.

But as God is my witness, the following garbage tests my commitment to that sentiment like Satan unto Job.

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1. “There’s a storm coming.”

I nearly threw my keyboard just typing that.

2. “She had voluptuous…”

Almost counts as a war crime.

3. “He had voluptuous…"

An actual felony.

4. “Voluptuous…”

Correctional behavioral therapy is required should this word ever be used unless it’s referencing a fat leopard seal.

5. “[Obvious thing the character would know about because they spent five years in training]? What’s that?”
”How do you not know this? It’s…”

Yeah reader, how do you not know this? Since you’re such a silly goddamn idiot, let me explain it for you.

6. “You just don’t get it, do you?”

This is often followed by explaining things because you can’t write coherently, and thus have to handhold the reader. If you’re unable to explain without obvious reader directed exposition, revise and rewrite.

7. “I grew up with [X] number of brothers.”

Often said by some chick right after she molly whops a bunch of dudes. Ideally, you’ll perform penance by removing an index finger after using this in any capacity.

8. “We’ve got company!”

I hope it’s a squadron of elite crackheads looking to apply a battleaxe to the kidneys of anyone using this phrase.

9. “The most [adjective] [noun] they’ve ever seen.”

I have no idea what it is they’ve seen up to this point, their previous experience of seeing [noun] could’ve been the equivalent of a pile of horse shit and this is apparently only a step up from that. If this is used to describe someone’s eyes, you deserve to stub your toe on a table.

10. “Speak normal/English/English please.”

If that sentiment needs to be expressed, phrase it in another way where reading it doesn’t feel like contracting male pattern baldness at 14.

11. “Very [happy] [sad] [angry] etc…”

This one is less so than the others, but it can get repetitive. In most cases, the phrase “very [word]” can be replaced with a single word that denotes stronger emphasis by itself. But at the same time, don't be an asshole that writes like you're trying to make the Thesaurus Part 2.
An exception to this is that it’s fine to use with spoken sarcasm such as “Oh, well thank you very much.” All that being said, it’s fine to use with spoken dialogue in general, as its common for people to use that word rather than something more sophisticated.

12. “[Character], you’re gonna want to see this.”

Or you could just tell them instead of padding out the page count. Imagine some dude going into cardiac arrest and the nurse calls the physician on duty. As the patient is dying, she says “Doc… you’re gonna want to see this.”

13. “Just like old times.”

When correctly used, this is often said in a sequel story that’s calling back to events from the original series, which was published over a decade ago. Note, this is never correctly used and instead usually refers to an event that happened 2-3 weeks ago.

14. “I don’t have friends… I have family.”

Pretty sure that was the motto for Jonestown and/or Heaven’s Gate.

15. “[Character] licked their lips nervously.”

I hate this phrase with an unbridled passion, but reading the first book in the Wheel of Time series pushed it over the edge.

16. “As the prophecy…”

Get that shit out of here.

17. “God have mercy on us all…”

He may, but I won’t.

18. “You’ll see the darkest part of me and leave, just like the rest.”

And for using that goddamn line you deserve it you edgy little dickweed.

19. “Over? It’s not over, the battle has only just begun.”

“Publisher said I have to do another volume.”